Providence
by Missbooradley
Summary: Lily Evans thinks she knows James Potter. She's Head Girl and she's going to get through the year. But when the person she leasts expects becomes Head Boy, can she look past her original ideas to make peace?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: As much as I wish it didn't, everything canon belongs to J.K Rowling

Also the image for this fanfiction was made by the talented viria13 on deviantart :)

**Prologue**

_Destiny_

_Noun_

_1. FUTURE, fate, fortune. _

_2. FATE, providence, predestination, God's will._

_OoO_

'"_James Potter," he says, shaking my hand. "And you are?"_

_I smile at the young boy sitting next to me. He has messy black hair (would it really hurt to brush it once in a while?) and bright hazel eyes. He's quite handsome, if you ask me. But no, I'm here to learn, not to meet boys._

"_Lily Evans," I smile, shaking his hand._

_The boy sitting next to him reaches over to shake my hand too. "Nice to meet you Lily Evans. I'm Sirius Black and these two," he gestures to two boys sitting on the other side of him, "are Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Now, mind if I call you Ginger? Your hair __is __very red."_

_My face instantly heats up, and I glare at this Sirius Black. He, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew burst out laughing. It's really rather rude, if you ask me._

_I turn away from them, and look over to the Slytherin table. My one friend I had before I came here is sitting at it, staring glumly in my direction. I give Severus a small smile and wave. He waves back, but I can see how disappointed he is that we're not in the same house. But I can't help that, can I? I turn back to my table, and smile at three girls sitting opposite me. I met them on the train – Alison Walters, Marlene McKinnon and Lucy Thomas. They seem nice, and I'm glad I have some new friends in my house.'_

It's funny how much a person can change over a few years. From a stranger to a loved one. From an enemy to a soul mate. This is my story. Merlin knows James will have a different one to tell, but for now, you'll have to be content with mine.

I don't believe in fate, or destiny, or karma, or anything like that. I believe that your life is what you make it.

And that's what I decided to do – I determined my destiny.

I think back to that day, where it all began. Did I know how important those people would be to me, eight years later? No, I didn't, but how could I? I was just eleven. It had barely started. How could we have known that we'd all be children of war?


	2. Embarking to Hogwarts Once More

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, _at all. _It's a sad life.**

OoO

I wave to my dad, smiling. He looks so proud to be seeing me off for my last year at Hogwarts. And Head Girl too, fancy that! Yeah yeah, dad said that of course he "knew I would get it," and "there is no one who deserves the badge more than me", but to be honest I thought Ally would get it. One of my best friends, Alison Walters is the perfect choice for Head Girl. She is friendly, and intelligent, not to mention _everyone _likes her! She has long, soft chocolate coloured hair and creamy skin – the perfect combination! I sigh, thinking of my vivid green eyes and startling dark red hair. Why couldn't I be normal?

I am pulled out of my reverie by Petunia, who is sending me daggers from a distance. Obviously my goodbyes have gone on far too long for her. I roll my eyes, knowing she probably would prefer me flying off in the night on a broomstick, cackling as I hold my wand. But that's nuts, I mean, doesn't she know that I can't fly a broom to save my life? No, I'm much more comfortable on the ground. Knowing it won't do me any better to lengthen my departure, I hug my father one last time and kiss him on the cheek. "Bye dad, I'll see you soon! I promise I'll write, okay?"

He smiles. "Bye darling," he says. "We'll miss you!"

I glance at Petunia. _Yeah. You will dad, but she won't._

I wave one last time before turning my trolley with my trunk and owl around and running at the barrier.

I never get tired of reaching the platform 9 ¾ . The Hogwarts Express is always waiting to take us all back to school, steaming. Students and families greet and say their goodbyes, while the last minute hurry of forgotten books and pets surrounds me. I, however, always come onto the platform alone. Seeing as I come from a muggle family, I think it'll be a bit too much to have them running through the barrier to see all of this. And Petunia would probably have a heart attack.

I think back to the day I received my letter. _July 26__th__, I was sitting in our living room, playing cards with my parents. For a while, ever since Severus and I had started hanging out, Petunia and I had been drifting apart. In a mood, Tuney had refused to join in our game, and optioned to sit in the corner and watch us instead. My dad was just telling one of his rotten jokes that my mum always laughed at, no matter how bad they were, when there was the sound of the post through the door. Now of course, as it was an exceptionally normal day, none of us thought otherwise. _

"_Tuney, dear", my mother said. "Fetch the post, would you dear? Seeing as the rest of us are playing." With a huff and an eye roll, Petunia did as she was told. My parents and I went back to playing, when all of a sudden that was a little shout._

"_Petunia?" asked my dad. "Honey, what's wrong?"_

_Tuney came rushing back to us, the post in her hand. She held up the letter that had obviously caused her the surprise. "This..This one's for Lily! But it's labelled so strangely. Look, here it says: Ms Lily J Evans, Second Bedroom on the right, Hillside Lane, Cokesworth, England". _

_I gasped. Could this be the letter that Severus was talking to me about? The one from the magical school? What was it called…Hokeboils? No…that couldn't be it. I reached up to take the letter from Tuney, glancing at my mother and father._

"_Well go on dear, open it!" My mother encouraged._

_I nodded, opening the letter quickly. It read:_

'_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all the necessary books and equipment. Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._

_Your Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress'_

_I read the whole thing out loud to my parents, who sat there, shell shocked. Petunia looked angry. "What is this?" She demanded. "Some sort of joke? That's impossible. Let me see that." She grabbed the letter from my hand, and another list fell out of the envelope. It was the list of equipment I needed. Petunia was studying the letter, and my mother had gotten up to read it over her shoulder. "Well it looks very official, Lily. Perhaps we should reply? But what do they mean by owl?"_

_My dad had risen from the floor to stand by the window. "I think I know." And he pointed outside to a tawny owl that was staring right at us, perched on our gate._

"_But…but..why didn't I get one?" Tuney wailed. "It's not fair! Why does SHE get everything?" She said it with such venom that it caused me to flinch. Tuney fled the room, presumably to sulk on her bed._

_My mother nodded. "We must accept then. I don't believe that this is a mistake. Well.." She looked at me fondly. "My Lily, a witch? I never would have guessed!"_

_I stared at her. "So..you..you don't think I'm a freak or anything?"_

_My father chuckled. "Of course not. You're our little girl. And Lils, don't worry about Tuney, she'll come around."_

_I nod. "Maybe, but what if-"_

"Lily!" I am pulled out of my thoughts as something throws itself at me. I stand there confused for a moment, the pain of remembering my mother still in my chest. The thing squeezing the life out of me looks up for a moment, and I finally recognise who it is.

"Marlene!" I smile down at one of my best friends. With her long, ash blonde hair and pale blue eyes, Marlene is usually quite tall – when she's not hugging people round the waist. "How've you been?" Like me, Marl is a muggleborn, and doesn't usually bring her family with her onto the platform.

"Great! Have you seen Ally yet? I can't seem to spot her!"

I shake my head. "Nope, not yet. But when she wrote to me over the hols she said she was arriving with Albert? So she's probably with him."

Marl grins. "Yeah, of course you're right. She's probably _with him."_

I laugh. "Marl! Honestly, leave the girl alone. They've been dating for over a year now, okay? She's happy." Alison's boyfriend, Albert Perkins was a nice Hufflepuff prefect. He and Ally had been dating for over a year, having gotten together in the summer holidays before our sixth year at Hogwarts. "Come on, let's put our stuff on the train and grab a carriage."

Marlene rolls her eyes as we put our luggage, my owl and her cat on the train. "I know you'll have to go soon anyway, being Head Girl and all." She bumped my shoulder with hers. "Congrats on that, by the way. D'you know who's Head Boy?"

I shrug, walking into an empty carriage. "No clue. But I guess it'll be Remus; he's got the brains AND he'd be able to keep his friends in order."

Marlene snorted. "Keep the Marauders in order? Ha! I'd like to think so, but I doubt it!"

I sigh. Remus Lupin was one of the four boys in a popular group called 'The Marauders'. The now seventh year boys were famous throughout the school for their 'charming' (if that's what you call it) personalities, good looks (most of them) and a talent for troublemaking. If there was a prank going on in the school, (which there almost always was) then you could always praise the Marauders. Most _did _praise them, thinking of them witty and clever, but never me. I mean yes, okay, they did manage to pull of a lot of things without getting caught, but most weren't funny at all. They always caused trouble for the care taker and many times I've seen Black and Potter curse many innocent bystanders, merely for being in their way. There was a fourth Marauder; Peter Pettigrew. I'm not sure how he made it into their juvenile gang though, Peter's always seemed a little weak to me. Although he is in Gryffindor…I just feel sorry for the poor boy, being dragged in by the others in their first year. So there's Peter Pettigrew, a round faced, blonde boy who usually trails after the others, Remus Lupin, a tall, flaxen haired boy who was extremely smart, a prefect, and was probably the most sensible out of all of them, Sirius Black, a dark, handsome boy with long, dark hair and grey eyes, was definitely a born trouble maker, and with his dark features and mischievous grin, he was widely viewed as very good looking. Sirius was also the best friend of…Potter. Ugh. Potter was possibly one of the most sought out boy in the school, alongside Sirius. Being the leader of the Marauders meant the others looked to him in times of need, and almost all of the female population had crushes on him. I mean, yes, he's quite good looking. He's got hazel eyes, a tall, lean body, a crooked grin and a long nose. Not that I've ever looked at him properly! Besides, his hair is never neat, it looks like something died in it! And although Potter _does _have brains, he only uses them for trouble making and to suck up to teachers so that they don't always give him detention. And to top it all off, he has the most arrogant personality, and never seems to understand that most of us have to _work _for good marks – we're not all as lucky as him!

So there you have it; the Marauders. Personally, the only one I can stand is Remus. Sirius' sense of humour is all right, but just like Potter, his head is twice the size of his body.

"Lils?" I snap back to reality, realising that the compartment door is open, and there is someone in the doorway, with their hands on their hips. I recognize that stance…"Ally!"

I jump up to hug my other best friend. "Where've you been?"

Alison just rolls her eyes. "With Albert, I _told _you I was coming with him, remember?"

I stand aside as Marlene hugs Ally and asks, "so where is the boyfriend?"

"Gone to the prefect meeting already. Told him I'd catch up when I'd seen you. Speaking of which," she raises her eyebrows at me. "Shouldn't a certain Head Girl be making her way over right now? We're just about to depart."

I gasp – the prefect meeting! "Oh Merlin, thanks Ally. I nearly forgot! Wonderful Head Girl I'm turning out to be!" I turn to Marlene. "Sorry. Will you be okay until it's finished?"

"Of course," she replies. "I'll go find Lucy or something."

Alison nods, smiling. "Okay, we'll see you soon then," she says as she and I depart for the meeting.

"So," Ally asks, on the way to the train. "Any idea who Head Boy is? It's not Al," she says. I sigh. That knocks one person off the list, leaving the Ravenclaw prefect, Mark Runcorn, Remus, or the Slytherin prefect…. Severus. And with our past, I definitely hope it's not Severus.

I shrug. "No idea. Probably Remus – he's got the brains y'know. And he's kind, almost everyone likes him."

Ally nods. "Well you'll find out soon enough," she says, indicating to the prefect compartment just ahead of us. But the doorway wasn't clear. I groan muttering "Just my luck" under my breath. For standing in the doorway are two of the Marauders – Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, staring through the window to the compartment.

Sirius turns around to the sound of oncoming footsteps and grins. "Why, isn't it our lovely Head Girl!"

I scowl. "How did you know?" I hadn't told him, so..?

Sirius smirks, nodding to Alison. "Young Alison here told me."

I turn to glare at the now sheepish girl behind me, mouthing "traitor."

"What?" She asks, looking innocent. He asked, so I answered. "Besides," she mutters under her breath, "I don't hate him like you do."

I ignore that last comment, instead turning back to Black and Pettigrew. "What are you doing here?"

Pettigrew shrugs. "Just watching the prefects meeting."

Sirius smirks again. "I think it might just get interesting."

I roll my eyes. "As much as I'd like to decipher your cryptic code, Black, I have to actually be in there, unlike you. So if you'll excuse me.."

I push past him into the compartment, with Alison at my heels. Making sure my badge isn't wonky, I survey the crowd in front of me. Not all of the prefects have arrived – however all the male ones in our seventh year have. But that's not what surprises me. It's the fact that there are four seventh year boys in the compartment, and they all have a shiny badge on. Shiny _Prefect _badges. So..who..? And then movement to the side catches my eye. Someone shuffling papers. Someone tall, dark, and wearing glasses. Someone who goes by the name of James Potter. I grumble under my breath, making my way towards him. As I do I turn around and say to the remainder of those in the room, "Sit down everyone! We'll start as soon as the last ones have made their way here."

I reach Potter and glare at him. "What are you doing here? This is a prefects meeting. Only the prefects and the Head students are allowed here."

He looks up from his papers and a smile tugs at the end of his lips. Not a mocking smile, which surprises me, just a small, innocent smile. " I know," he says.

I sigh. "Please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be, Potter. If you know you're not meant to be in here, then can you please just-" I stop, freezing. After answering me, Potter has turned around to face me fully, revealing the small but noticeable head boy badge on his sweater. I choke on the end of my sentence. "What? You? How.." I splutter.

He chuckles under his breath. "Yes, yes, I know, Dumbledore must have been barmy to choose me. I know, believe me, no one was more surprised than me when I got it, okay?" His hazel eyes stare straight into mine. "Now, I believe everyone's here. Should we make a start?"

I shake nod, not bothering to question Dumbledore's motives. "Sure," I mumble.

"Good, but as you know, I'm new to this. So correct me if anything goes wrong, 'kay?"

"Yup." Something's rattling me, something that should be happening but isn't. And then it hits me; Potter's being _nice. _He's being nice to _me. _Potter, who's always taunting me or asking me out because he knows it annoys me. Yeah, that Potter hasn't done anything rude at all. In fact, he's being quite polite. Why? I shake off all my suspicions, saving them for later. Now is not the time, I have to lead the Prefects meeting. Especially with a not very capable Head Boy beside me. My heart sinks in my chest. How am I going to be able to do all these Head duties with _Potter? _How will I manage when all he's doing is sneaking around with his mates and –

My thoughts are interrupted by the Head Boy himself, starting to speak. It takes me a while to realise that he's actually starting off the meeting. "Hi everyone. I'm James Potter, Head Boy, and this is Lily Evans, the Head Girl."

I smile, carrying on. "First of all, congratulations on being selected prefects. For those of you who are new, listen carefully to these rules. In a minute Po-James," I correct myself, knowing that in front of the prefects it will be better to call him by his own name, "will read out the schedule of patrols. Each of you will patrol with the other prefect from your year of your house for an hour." I nod to Potter, who starts reading out the list. "Kimberly Adams, Joseph Brew. Mathilda O'Brien, Jacob Samuels." He carries on with the fifth and sixth years until he reaches the seventh years. "Amelia Bones, Albert Perkins. Mafalda Hopkirk, Mark Runcorn. Severus Snape, Josephine Edgar. And finally, Alison Walters and Remus Lupin."

I smile and nod, taking over speaking while Potter hands out the schedules. "Now for inside the castle. Yes, you can dock points and give detentions, but remember that these can only be done if the person _actually _deserves one. Giving detention to your worst enemy or docking points because someone won't go out with you _won't work,_" I say smiling, as I earn a few chuckles.

I look at Potter before saying, "I think that's it. James?"

He shrugs and nods, "Yeah, I think so. Thanks everyone. Remember to change into your robes _before _you go on rounds!"

The prefects start filing out, and I nod to Ally, telling her she can go on ahead.

I look at Potter. "Uh, Potter, can I talk to you?"

He looks up from his papers with surprise. "Sure." He looks at Remus, who's waiting for him by the door. "Go on ahead mate, I'll meet you in the carriage." Remus nods, leaving the two of us alone. Potter turns back to me. "What can I do for you?"

I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. "Look. It's nothing personal, but I just want to make sure you're serious about this position. I know you just like to fool around with your friends and stuff, but being Head Girl is important to me. The other students are meant to look up to as, and we have to set an example, and that can't happen if you're busy blowing up the girls lavatories and cursing people left right and centre!"

I glance at him, expecting him to explode with anger, denying the fact that he does curse people and he does cause trouble. I expect him to start accusing me of something, or ask me out, or at least say _something _remotely Potter-ish! But instead, he just nods and says quietly, "I understand, Lily."

My head snaps up. "Sorry?" _ I understand, Lily? _That's what he has to say for himself? No quick come backs, insults, not even a "Go out with me Evans?" Instead, the guy says 'I understand, Lily'. LILY! He never calls me Lily! Not once! I'm always 'Evans' to him, and he's always 'Potter' to me! "Did you just call me Lily? Second, aren't you going to protest? I basically just told you that you don't deserve to be Head Boy and that you can't misbehave and you have to grow up!"

James sighed. "Yes, I know. Don't you think it'd be easier if we just called each other by our first names? 'Potter' and 'Evans' sounds to harsh, especially if we're setting an example like you said. And I _know _that I can't shirk my responsibilities, I'm not stupid. I am taking this seriously."

I stand there, gawking. "I..well..uhm," I cough. "Okay then."

He smiles at me. "See you later Lily."

"See you James."

I return to the compartment, thinking. That was the first civilised conversation I've had with James Potter in a long time! Maybe he's…no. I shake my head. That's impossible! James Potter can't just…_change. _No, he can't. Unless, well, he's finally grown up. I mean, now that I think about it, even during the last term of sixth year, I didn't see him hexing as many people. Of course he was still asking me out, and he was still causing as much mayhem as before, but he wasn't as prattish as he normally was. Perhaps it's possible. Perhaps we can get on this year. I smile to myself. James Potter and Lily Evans, not screaming at each other. Who would have thought?

When I reach our compartment, I see that Ally and Marl have been joined by Lucy Thomas, a dark skinned witch with long, flowing black hair. I smile, sitting down.

"So, how was it?" Marlene asks. "Ally's already told us who's Head Boy. James Potter, who would have thought?"

"Dumbledore probably did it so he could keep his friends in order," Ally snorts.

Lucy shakes her head. "No, I don't think so. James isn't actually that strange of a choice when you think about it. I mean, he's smart, people like him and he's Quidditch Captain. Quite a good choice actually."

I nod. "True. And he seems to have matured a bit too." Three pairs of eyebrows raise themselves. I haven't really kept my dislike for Pot- I mean James, a secret. "Only a little," I hurry on, "But he was actually quite nice during the meeting, and I think he'll pull his weight."

Marlene chews the inside of her lip. "But won't it be hard, him being Quidditch Captain and all? I don't want him being overly grouchy at practices, he already works us hard enough."

Ally shrugs. "I'm sure he'll manage it. Dumbledore must think so, at least, otherwise he wouldn't have given James the position."

"That's right. Anyway," I say, bored of talking of Potter, "We might as well get changed into our robes. Potter and I have the last shift as Heads."

At precisely one hour before we were scheduled to arrive at Hogwarts, I meet James at the front of the train, ready for our rounds up and down the carriages.

"Ready?" He asks.

I nod, and we start walking. "So," I ask casually. "Have a nice holiday?"

"It was nice, yeah. Sirius stays over, so it wasn't exactly quite and relaxing."

I smile, at that, knowing how close the two are. "But it was fun though, right? Him being your best friend and all that."

He nods. "Yeah. I just feel bad for him, as he doesn't really have another home to go to."

I frown, confused at his words. I'd heard that the Black family was one of the oldest wizarding families of all time, so how could he have nowhere to go? "What do you mean?"

James sighs, looking as though he's having an inner debate. "I don't know if I should be telling you this, as it's Sirius' history, not mine. I'll just tell you the outline. Sirius had an argument with his parents and he left."

I feel a pang in my chest – sympathy for Black. He always seemed so pulled together, so strong. There was obviously far more to the story than just an argument, but I knew it wasn't James' story to tell, so I didn't pry. Instead I just nodded. "Poor Black. So he lives with you now?"

James nods. "Yep. My parents are thrilled to have him. It's like having another son to them – he basically is their son now. It's like having a brother." He grins. "An extra person to help you pull pranks."

I roll my eyes, not wanting to imagine what the two boys would have been up to.

"So what about you?" James asks. "Anything exciting happen over the holidays?"

"Not really," I answer. "My sister got engaged though."

James raises his eyebrows. "Oh? And is he nice?"

"Not at all," I answer. "The guy's huge, and can talk of nothing but drills. Drills! As if there isn't anything more interesting. Petunia couldn't have picked a more boring bloke. But he's normal, and that's what she wants. It's why we don't get on anymore, because I don't fit into her perfect vision of normality." I sigh, not really wanting to go any further into my issues with my sister, and James seems to understand that. Instead, we turn the conversation to lighter topics until the train reaches Hogwarts.

OoO

**A/N: Okay, that's the first real chapter up! Hope you liked it & reviews are the best :)**


	3. A Turn For the Better

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, all canon characters belong to JKR.**

OoO

I wake up to the first day of classes. I have double potions first, and smile to myself. Potions and Charms, they're my favourite subjects. And potions is taught by my favourite teacher of all time – Slughorn! …Okay. So he might not be my favourite teacher, but that guy loves me, and I'll take what I can get. The only problem is that the fellow can't seem to take a hint. He always likes to place Severus and I together, even though we're not friends anymore. Just because we used to be able to brew great potions together doesn't mean we can now. Well maybe it does. But still. Sev and I aren't friends anymore, so I'd really rather not sit next to him.

Apparently fate has other ideas, though. Later on, I'm sitting down next to Marlene and getting out my book, when Slughorn says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I wouldn't bother taking out your books. We will be starting this term off with a project. You will do these projects in pairs and – "Now now Mr. Black, I wouldn't get too excited," Slughorn said as James and Sirius turned towards each other, grinning. "As I was going to say, I'll be picking your pairs." I groan, slipping further into my seat. "Let's see…Benjy Fenwick and Miss Thomas. Josephine," he points at one of the Slytherin Prefects, "Go with Alecto Carrow. Mr. Foster and Mr Potter. Miss Walters and Mr Lupin." I see Ally smile at that – she's probably glad that she actually has someone who will be willing to pull their weight.

"And my final pair.." I look around, and my heart sinks. There is only one person left. "Ah, Miss Evans and Mr Snape."

I sigh, grabbing my stuff and moving to the desk next to Severus. I just hope he'll actually want to work.

"Now, turn to chapter 27 of your books. I want you to choose one of the three potions listed, brew them, and then describe it's appearance and effects. I also want you to do a short summary of Arsenius Jigger's life and how he came across many of these potions. The project will be due in two weeks. Get started!"

I turn to chapter 27 and look at the three potions that are introduced – Angel's Trumpet Draught, Chelidonium Miniscula and the Death-Cap draught. "Which one would you like to do?" I ask Snape. He just shrugs. "Fine, I guess I'll choose." I look over the brewing instructions, before deciding, "Chelidonium Miniscula. Let's do that one. I'll grab the equipment and you get the ingredients. Got it?" Severus nods suddenly, and I suddenly wish for the old days. _Get a grip, Lily, _I tell myself as I go to get the cauldron. _Severus chose his path, and you chose yours._

We spent the rest of the lesson brewing the potion, not saying a word until Slughorn came around checking each potion. "Ah," he said, leaning over our cauldron. "Chelidonium Miniscula, and perfect as well! I knew I did the right thing, putting you two together!"

Aside from that interruption, it all sailed smoothly until Slughorn announced the end of the lesson. I was packing away my things silently when Severus decided to talk. "Lily-"

"No, Severus. We've been through this before. We can't be friends okay? We..we just can't."

"But Lily, if we could just-"

"Severus," I say firmly. "How many times do I have to say it? I chose my path, and you chose yours. That's it."

"I know, and I'm sorry Lily. But just give me another chance, please."

I sigh, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, Sev," I say softly. "Look, we'll meet in the library tomorrow at seven, okay? And when we've finished this project, we'll go our separate ways."

"Come on Lily, you know that-"

But I never knew what he was going to say, because I was out of the classroom before he could even finish his sentence.

"What did that scumbag want?" Ally asks, racing after me.

I look at her, trying to be cross. "Severus is not a scumbag. We just..don't like him very much."

"He embarrassed you in front of half the school, Lils. I'd say he's a scumbag."

I sigh. "Can we not talk about..about that day please? And okay, maybe he's a bit of a scumbag. But I don't want to pick any fights with him; I need to do well in this project. Otherwise my loving relationship with Slughorn will plunder. Can we just go to lunch please? I don't want to talk about Sev."

Ally nods, knowing the conversation is over.

After lunch we have Defence Against The Dark Arts with Professor Mills. I do love Mills, but she's a bit soft and doesn't appear to like telling students off. That woman loves _everyone, _I mean the Marauders have her wrapped around their fingers!

I sit down next to Marlene, hoping that today isn't a particularly active class – potions with Severus really has worn me out.

"You okay?" Marlene asks me, noticing my tired expression.

I nod, plastering a smile on my face. "Of course!" I take one look at her disbelieving expression though and crack. "Slughorn paired Snape and I up for a potions project, and all he wants to do is talk to me, but there's nothing to say! After all that's happened to us, I just wished that this year we could stay apart and then go our separate ways. But it seems that fate has another idea." I plonk my head on the table. "I hate Slughorn."

Marlene gasps dramatically. "Lily Evans, hate Slughorn? Impossible!" I turn my head slightly to glare at her.

"What's going on, Evans? Fancy taking a nap?" Black asks as he slides into the seat in front of Marlene.

"Yeah Lily, are you alright?" I look up to see a concerned James Potter sitting in front of me. "You look a little…peaky."

"She is most definitely not okay James," Marlene says. "She just said she hates Slughorn! Slughorn!"

James stares at me. "Wow, you really must be ill. You're practically married to the bloke."

I sigh, putting my head in my hands. "Yeah, well..we're getting a divorce."

"Wow, must be serious," Sirius mutters.

"Sirius," Remus warns, sliding in next to Peter.

"Seriously though, Lily. Are you okay?" James asks. His hazel eyes are wide with worry.

I smile reassuringly. "I'm fine, thank you."

He nods, satisfied. Marlene, however, sends me concerned glances throughout the lesson.

After about thirty minutes, it starts getting annoying. "Stop staring at me Marl!"

She stares straight ahead at the blackboard. "What? I'm not staring at you!"

I roll my eyes. "Yes you are, and you're not doing it very inconspicuously. I'm fine, honestly. It's just Severus."

At that Marlene turns to look at me. "But that's just it Lily! It shouldn't be 'just Severus.' He was your best friend for years! You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to mourn your friendship." She gives me a comforting smile. "You don't have to be strong all the time Lils."

I nod. "I know Marls, it's just hard. I…"

But I never could finish the sentence because, as cliché as it sounds, I was saved by the bell. I rush out, ignoring her shouts of protest. I know she wants to talk, but I really can't. We've talked and we've talked about my friendship with Severus, and there's nothing left to say. He called me a mudblood in front of the whole school, and I forgave him (yeah I know…he was my _best friend _okay?). But then he started having secret little meetings with his Slytherin pals. And those guys are dodgy. I don't like them, Avery, Mulicber and the Carrows. They're bad folk, but every time I tried to tell Severus this, he just waved off my concern. But I know, I know what boys like those will grow up to be. And I really don't want to stick around and watch that happen to Sev.

I now lie on my bed with my favourite book – _Pride and Prejudice. _Lydia's in the shower, and has been for the past fifteen minutes. Honestly! That girl takes longer to shower than even Petunia – and that's saying something! Wait..yes! Finally, she's coming out! I better go in quick before someone else hogs it.

OoO

**A/N: Reviews are definitely appreciated :)**


	4. Accusations

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!**

**And thank you to my lovely beta 9CatsIn6Hats!**

* * *

After another long and tiring day of lessons, I'm sitting in the common room doing my Charms essay. Seriously, these teachers don't seem to understand that we pupils can't spend 24 hours a day doing essays and projects – we have to eat and sleep too! I swear, one of these days, I'm going to mentally combust. And that's not something a Head Girl should be doing, am I right? And besides, it's way too loud in here to work anyways. Maybe I'll just go to the library.

Gathering all my things, I step through the portrait hole only to get bumped into, causing me to drop all my things. I mutter an irritated "watch where you're going," before I look up, surprised at who I see.

"Sorry," James grins, helping me pick up my books.

I sigh. "It's alright," I say as I pick things off the floor. A box has fallen from one of James' robe pockets. I turn it round curiously, looking at the contents. It dawns on me what I'm holding.

Dung bombs.

I hold it up to James, glaring at him. "What are these?"

James' hand instantly finds his hair, and he grins at me, abashed. "I..er…don't know?"

"Don't play games with me! Merlin James, you're Head Boy! You shouldn't have these!"

"They're not mine, honest. They're Sirius'! I was just…uhm…taking them back to the dorm for him?"

And just as he says that, a loud explosion sounds from down the corridor, shortly followed by Filch's voice. "WHO DID THAT? I'LL GET YOU PESKY STUDENT! I WILL FIND YOU!" I hear him yell.

I turn on James. "Taking them back to the dorm, my arse." I laugh bitterly. How could I be so stupid, thinking he's not so bad anymore? He can't change, none of the Marauders can. "I knew it! I knew that you wouldn't be a responsible Head Boy! Is it just a joke to you then? I bet you just taunt the Slytherins and take points from anyone you don't like!"

James is shaking his head. "No Lily, it's not like that. I promise. I found Sirius with them and –"

"And you thought it would be a good joke to set them off did you? Why can't you be mature for once? You may not think of your position as important, but the rest of us sure as hell do! You and your friends just run about this castle, forgetting that your actions don't just affect you, but everyone else as well! You have to set an example, James, and this," I hold up the packet, "Is not the way to do it!"

He glares at me, his eyes flashing. "Why won't you listen to me for one second?" He half asks, half yells.

"Because I don't have to! I don't want to hear your stupid little excuses, alright?"

I turn on my heel and head off towards the library. Stupid Potter. When will he grow up and start taking responsibility? I knew, I just _knew _that he would shirk his responsibilities! He's in seventh year now, isn't it time to throw in the towel and stop pulling all his foolish pranks with the other Marauders? Well apparently not.

I sit down in the library, getting out my books. However, the effort is futile. In the corner there are a bunch of giggling Hufflepuff second years. Can't they go make noise in their own common room? This is a library, a place of work and silence! Don't they have any respect for the rules? Where is Pince anyway? She should be keeping an eye on things! It's not like her to let things run amuck! I would ask her to keep them in order, but the woman seems to have something against me! I don't know what, I'm one of her most dutiful library dwellers ever! I never cause havoc; I always just sit down quietly and do my work! Maybe she's just jealous because she's stuck in here telling off ignorant second years. Poor dear, someone really should give her a holiday.

"Oi, Evans."

No. No Not another one. Honestly, do these guys just follow me around? I just had a horrible encounter with one hooligan, and now another's come! Stupid Marauders.

I merely grunt in response.

Well apparently that's not good enough, because Sirius sits down at my lovely empty table. Great.

"Lovely charms essay you got there. Fancy giving it a miss?"

I give him the evil eye. "_No."_

"Woah Evans, you could kill a unicorn with that look."

"What do you want, Black?"

"I just want to talk to you."

I raise my eyebrows. "Well that sounds only slightly ominous. Can't you talk to me here? And lower your voice!" I gesture to Pince, who's eyeing us irritably. Why can't she go pick on the giggling second years instead of us diligent working seventh years?

Oh wait. Because Sirius here is interrupting my work!

"Exactly. Pince will kick us out anyway, so just come and talk to me outside!" He hisses.

"Fine," I grumble, packing away my books. So much for studying. But…he does have a point. I don't want to taint my good student record and give Pince an _actual _reason to hate me, do I? The answer is no, I don't.

"Alright," I say when we're safely out of the library. "What's so important that you have to talk to me while I'm trying to do a Charms essay?"

He rolls his eyes. "It's just Charms, Evans."

He smirks at my splutter. Just Charms? _Just Charms? _I was right, the guy's a complete and utter lunatic! "Whatever." I say casually, as if my instincts aren't telling me to run as fast as I can. "What's up?"

Sirius' expression turns grave. "It's Prongs. Sorry, I mean James," he says, in response to my confused glance. "Once again, Evans, he's in a complete and utter mood. And whom can I turn to to blame? You."

I scowl. "He's probably in a mood because I told him off for being an irresponsible Head Boy. It's not my fault he can't set a good example."

Sirius looks at me in confusion. "An irresponsible Head Boy? What are you talking about? James has been nothing but dedicated to every duty he's had to do!"

I shake my head. "Then how do you explain the Dung Bombs that fell out of his pocket?"

Sirius' face displays a range of emotions. Confusion. Realisation. Humour. Anger.

What?

Then he blanches. "Uh oh." He shakes his head. "Oh, Evans. You have it all wrong. Prongs really _was _being a responsible Head Boy."

I stare at him. "Sorry?"

"Those were mine! I was about to set them off in that unused toilet, but Prongs made me stop! Told me that it was 'stupid' and we'd get 'caught for sure'. He was trying to stop me!"

"He…he tried to stop you playing a prank? But…but we heard an explosion!"

Sirius chuckles. "Poor sod. Didn't know that I still had some in my pocket. He'd stormed off after I called him a right old pansy. I still set them off in the toilet." He shrugs nonchalantly.

How can he be so casual about this? Merlin, I feel terrible. I blamed James for doing something that he didn't do! Something that his best friend did behind his back!

"I..I have to go find James! I need to apologise!"

Sirius shakes his head. "No can do, Red. He'll be in his dorm probably. You'll have to wait until the morning."

I point a finger at him, glaring daggers. "This is your fault! Yours! If you hadn't tried to pull the stupid prank in the first place, then none of this would have happened!"

"Oh, so it's my fault!"

"Yes!" How could he not see it!

"Well it's not my fault that you were so quick to judge him! I bet you just ran off, not even letting him explain!" He sees my guilty expression and nods. "Of course. Of course you would just make your own judgements and bolt! That's the problem with you, Evans. You're so mighty high on your moral horse that you don't ever stop to think that you might be wrong! You're too quick to make your accusations!"

I send him the dirtiest look I can muster. "And you're so much better? All you do is encourage him to play your foolish pranks that could get him into even more trouble! You're not the best friend that he needs! You don't support him, or try to make being a Head Boy any easier for him! In fact, I bet all you do is have a right laugh about it. And James doesn't need to joke about his position, he has to live up to the potential that Dumbledore obviously saw when he chose James for the job!"

We stare at each other for a minute, our chests heaving and our eyes flashing. After a long, pregnant pause, Sirius steps back.

"You," he says, pointing at me, "Don't know the first thing about James and my relationship, okay? So sod off Evans, and don't forget that."

And then he's gone.

* * *

I burst into the dormitory, furious.  
"Insufferable git! What place does he have…?"

Ally looks up from painting her nails. "What did James do?"

"Not James," I grumble, sitting on my bed. "Sirius."

Marlene looks up from her Quidditch magazine, eyebrows raised. "Ah, the second ringleader. So what's he been up to?"

I loosen my tie. "Made a load of accusations against me! I misunderstood something that James did and then Sirius literally bites my head off! He's like an extremely angry bulldog!"

Ally snorts, and I glare at her. "Just paint your nails."

"Woah," she says. "Someone's angry. C'mon, what accusation did you make?"

"Well," I say, scratching the back of my neck. This is the more embarrassing part. I kind of wanted to skip it to be honest. "I can't really remember…."

Marlene shoots me a look. "Lily…"

Ugh. Fine. All I wanted was for them to agree with me that Sirius is a git, but no…they have to hear the whole story. "So I found some dung bombs in James' robe pockets, and I thought they were his. So I might have gotten really angry and shouted at him about being a rubbish Head Boy before storming off. And now it turns out that he only had them because he confiscated them from Sirius." I look down guiltily.

Marlene says, "Oh, Lily…"

Ally asks, "What was your hand doing in his robe pocket?"

Now, I ask you, who's the better friend?

I scowl. "_That's _all you got out of that? And they weren't in his pocket - they fell out. When he knocked me over, like the true gentleman he is."

"Lily, Sirius is James' best friend. You can't blame him for standing up for him," Marlene claims.

I sigh, knowing deep down that she's right. "Yeah, I know. It's just he came at me, and he just got so angry! Like I'm sorry I got it wrong, but there's no need to beat me up about it!"

Marlene and Ally exchange a look.

"What?" I demand. Why are they looking at each other like that?

"Well…" Marlene says.

"Lily dear," Alison says gently. "You are known to make hasty judgements sometimes. Judgements that aren't always correct, and you know…you don't really listen to the other person's explanation?"

I wince.  
"Exactly!" Marlene says. "Remember when I borrowed those tights from you? And when I returned them they had that _huge _ladder in them! And I'd accidentally given you the wrong pair, but you thought I had ripped them and you swore never to lend me another pair again?"

I wince again. "Yeah yeah…okay. But still!" But there really was nothing left to say.

"You guys are rubbish friends," I grumble. "You're meant to agree with me, grab your pitchforks and come and hunt him down with me! Not tell me I'm wrong and make me feel less murderous!"

Ally snorts. "Well where would you be right now if we didn't do that from time to time?"

"Probably in Azkaban," Marl suggests.

"Probably," Ally agrees.

"That's it, Lucy's my new best friend," I mutter, but I'm smiling.

"Poor girl," Marlene sighs.

"She'll never make it past Christmas," Alison says, shaking her head.

"I hate you both," I grumble.

"Sure you do," they chorus simultaneously.


	5. Making Amends

**A/N: Okay, here's the next chapter! And as always, thank you to my fab beta.**

* * *

James won't talk to me. Every single time I yell, "James!" or "Please just talk to me," or anything of the sort, he just turns in the other direction, muttering something about forgetting parchment or quills or other equipment.

Subtle James Potter. Subtle.

I mean yes, I know I messed up. I judged him and didn't let him explain, but it's not _that _bad, is it? Like it wasn't a _huge _argument, and people have moved on from a lot worse, haven't they? So why won't he just listen to me?

Sadly I know the answer to that too.

Because if I didn't listen to him, then why should he have to listen to me?

Ugh. Clever, Lily. Why can't I just stop being so flipping judgemental for once?

I hate myself. Yeah, I do. I'm an _idiot. _

An idiot who really needs to talk to James Potter.

If he just _listened _to me though, then he'd understand. He'd understand that it was all just a big misunderstanding and it really wasn't completely uncalled for. After all, he has been known to have had trouble-making tendencies in the past, hasn't he? He's part of the _Marauders, _it's not really that hard to decipher. And the bloke had dung bombs literally _in _his pocket! What was a Head Girl supposed to think? Maybe if he'd labelled them 'confiscated, do not make hasty judgments, these are not mine' then this all could have been avoided! It really did look suspicious.

And Merlin, by the sounds of it, he's actually being a pretty decent Head Boy. And that makes me feel rubbish. Absolutely rubbish. I screamed and yelled at him, and he confiscated dung bombs from his best mate! The King of Pranks confiscated dung bombs!

* * *

I take a seat next to Marlene at lunch. The table is strangely void of seventh years - there's only me, Marlene, Dirk and Eileen. This is odd.

"Marl, where is everybody?"

She shrugs, taking a bite from her sandwich. "Ally's eating lunch with Albert, and I saw James and Sirius eat lunch extremely early and hurry off," she glances at me, and I pull my expression into one of feigned indifference, "Wouldn't have any idea about that, would you?"

I shrug nonchalantly. "No clue. But Remus, Peter, Lucy and Queen bitch aren't here either?"

"Well I s'pose Lucy's in the library, poor girl usually is, and Lydia's probably off with some bloke. Though," she frowns, "Lunchtime rendezvous aren't usually her thing. But who cares? Oh, and as for Remus and Peter, they're heading this way."

"Perfect," I smile. Those two like me a little more (I think), so they should be able to help a poor Head Girl find the Head Boy.

"Remus, Peter? Do you know where I might happen to find – "

"No, sorry," Peter says quickly, grabbing a banana.

Remus rolls his eyes at Peter's bluntness. "Sorry Lily. I don't think he really wants to talk to you at the moment."

"But it's not even that bad! We had a minor disagreement! What's he blowing his trumpet for?"

Remus chokes on his pumpkin juice. "What did you say?"

I sigh. "It's an expression."

"Pretty daft one if you ask me," Marlene chuckles.

I elbow her in the ribs. "Well no one did. Shush. Eat your food. Anyway," I turn back to the two Marauders. "Please, _please _tell me. I really just want to apologise!"

Remus shakes his head, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry Lily. We know you mean well, but….well when James is in a mood it's best to just stay out of it."

"Besides," Peter pipes up. "You'll see him at the prefects' meeting tonight!"

My head snaps up and I grin deviously. Ha! He can't avoid me there! Thank you Peter, have I mentioned I love you? Well, I didn't actually tell him that. Instead, I merely said, "Yes! You're right! He can't hide forever!"

Remus glares at Peter. "Well done."

"Oops? Sorry.." He'll never know it was me though, right?"

I shrug. "He knows he has to face me eventually, so it's better to do it sooner or later, right? Unless his simmering rage hasn't cooled by then…then maybe I'll just wait another week?" I gulp. Angry James is something I do _not _want to face. "He won't be angry will he?"

Peter shakes his head. "I'm not sure. You can't really ever tell with him."

I put on my bravest face. "It won't be that bad, I'm sure. I'll be able to handle him. Or at least long enough to get myself out of there quickly."

Marlene snorts. "You haven't seen him in Quidditch. That bloke's a bloody nightmare when he's angry."

Great. Thanks for the comforting words, Mar.

Remus rolls his eyes. "He's not _that _bad. He's just a force to be reckoned with. But that's James for you; doesn't do anything half way."

I nod. "Well thanks for the advice. I'll just talk to him tonight. Besides, he can't murder me in front of all the other prefects, so.."

Marlene punches my shoulder lightly. "That's the spirit Lil! Confident even in the face of death?"

"Who's confident in the face of death?" Ah, the other one appears.

"Me," I groan. "How was your little lunch date?"

"It wasn't a lunch date!" Ally says.

"He's your boyfriend, and it was lunch. What about that doesn't scream lunch date?" Marlene asks.

"Shut it, you. What would you know anyway?"

Marl sticks out her tongue.

Yeah, I know. Childish.

"Anyway Lils, what are you doing that requires you to be confident in the face of death?" Ally asks.

I open my mouth to respond, by Marlene beats me to it. Honestly, can't a girl answer a question directed at her?

"Well, you know James is angry with Lily, right?" Ally nods. "Well he's avoiding her and everything, and Lily has decided to ask him upfront about it tonight. When he most likely won't have cooled down."

I make a sound of protest. "I am _not _going to 'ask him upfront', I'm going to apologise!"

Ally whistles. "Woah there, Lil. You really _do _have a death wish. If I were you, I'd leave it for a bit. We all know that James can get, well, pretty pissed off."

"But I have left it! I've left it for days! And I feel rubbish, and I really don't want him ignoring me!"

Ally, Marlene, Remus _and _Peter raise their eyebrows! I huff. "Oh shush. You know what I mean! We were _trying _to be friends, and I just went and mucked it up! It's my fault, and he deserved an apology. And I'd prefer to do it before I turn sixty."

Ally snorts. "Wouldn't be a pretty sight, but hold up. Did you, Lily Jane Evans, just admit you're wrong? With something concerning James Potter? Really?"

"It's been known to happen," I mutter. "And you never know, I _could _be attractive at the age of sixty! If I'm lucky."

Remus chuckles and stands up. "Well, as fun as this has been, I'm going to go find the others. Coming, Peter?"

"Yup," the other says.

"Wait a minute," I say slowly. "Sirius is with James, right? Well," my shoulders droop. "Does that mean _he's _angry with me too?" It's immensely hard having one Marauder angry with you, let alone two.

Remus smiles sympathetically. "You can see where he's coming from, though. Can't you? He's James' best friend. I mean they're like brothers, you know?"

I sigh. I do know. James and Sirius are like blood sisters, except, well, they're er…boys.

"So Sirius will protect James from anything remotely dangerous. I don't mean in a protective mother kind of way, but he always is looking out for him. Us too, of course, but we're a lot more sensible. Sirius is a maniac because he knows all of James' weaknesses."

I sigh. "And I'm the danger, aren't I?"

Remus shrugs. "Apparently so. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it though. Sirius is very protective, of all of us. Anything that could harm his friends is a no go. Just apologise to James when you get the chance, okay?"

I nod glumly. Me, a danger? What was he on about? Yes, James and I had the luck of someone walking under a ladder (not that I believe that superstition, of course). But I'm not actually a danger. I mean, have you met me? Sure, my temper has been known to make a grown man run, but I'm not actually _dangerous. _

Am I?

No, no that's stupid.

I turn to Ally and Marlene. "Guys, do you think I'm dangerous?"

Marlene snorts into her goblet, and Ally snickers. "You? Dangerous? You're about as dangerous as a lost kitten!"

Marlene nods. "She's right Lil. Don't listen to Remus. Sirius is an idiot – we proved that ages ago. Don't let it bug you."

Ally smiles. "Yeah, don't let it get to you. Deal?"

I smile as genuine as possible. "Deal."

But there's still a slight pang of unease in my stomach. I guess all that's left is to talk to James.

* * *

I check my watch. It reads 18:57. The Prefect Meeting starts at 7pm, so they should be arriving anytime soon. Well, the diligent and dedicated ones, at least. There are always a few lost stranglers who come in at around five past. In my prefect days we were all there on the dot, or repercussions were to be expected!

But I obviously spoke to soon. In comes James, with the Gryffindor prefects trailing behind him. I glance at Remus, hoping that he can give me an indication of James' current move. He nods and smiles reassuringly.

Phew. Maybe this won't go too badly then.

James joins me at the front of the room.

"Hey," I smile, hoping he will give me something. Anything to work with.

"Hey," he mutters, shuffling his notes. He seems to do that a lot.

I clear my throat. "Uhm, look, about the other day, I-"

He shakes his head. "Not now, okay? I don't want to hear it. Let's just get this meeting over with."

My heart falls. Apparently this isn't going to be as easy as I first expected. But you know what? That's fine. I am nothing if not persistent.

I look at the group in front of us and realise that they're all here. Wow, this is a first.

The meeting runs smoothly, with James and me not needing to communicate often. There's nothing immediate that we need to discuss, so it goes pretty quickly. The only matter that arises is the use of the library. Apparently I'm not the only one that's finding it hard to study with gossiping youths wandering around!

* * *

As the last of the prefects filter out, I catch James' arm. "Can I please just talk to you?"

He sighs and turns around. "Fine," he says. "What is it?"

I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. There, I said it. I'm sorry that I was quick to judge you, and I'm sorry that I didn't listen to your explanation. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have assumed that you were playing that prank."

He just looks at me. "How do you know that I didn't play the prank? You didn't ask me about it, so how did you find out?"

I sigh, fiddling with my hair. "Sirius told me. I mean, when I say told, he practically shouted at me. He almost mauled me in the corridor, trying to explain! You should keep a tight leash on him, he's dangerous to the people around him."

James snorts.

I look at him. Is he not taking my apology seriously? "What?" I ask. I've apologised, so why is he looking at me so coldly?

"Nothing. Well, is that all?" He asks, crossing his arms.

I stare at him, gobsmacked. What does he mean, 'is that all'? "What are you talking about? I've just apologised! I've come to admit I'm wrong! Everything should be okay now. So why aren't you forgiving me?"

"Because sometimes, Lily, apologies can't fix everything. Sometimes actions speak better than words, okay? You can't just barge in and say those two little words every time you make a mistake! It won't fix things every single time."

"Then what will?"  
"Well I don't know!" He shouts. He then sighs and runs his hand through his hair, pulling at strands of it. Merlin, that boy needs to comb it. "I don't know," he says again, more softly. "You just aren't the most observant person I know."

I huff. What's that got to do with anything? "I'm plenty observant, thank you."

He raises his eyebrows. Okay, so that disbelief isn't very consoling. I cross my arms over my chest, offended. "I'll have you know, one time Alison tried to sneak off with my jacket, but I realised it was mine and stopped her! That was observant of me!" She's not a very well behaved person, that one. Honestly, stealing your best friend's jacket! Not a very prefect like thing to do, is it?

"Right," James says, almost bitterly. Bitter? What has he got to be bitter about? "Not exactly the point I was trying to make, but whatever."

"Well why don't you just come right out and say it?" I ask. "Why do you have to talk in secret codes all the time, but never say what you truly mean?"

James looks like he's going to retort for a minute, but then he just shakes his head. "You know what? Never mind. It doesn't matter. Thanks for your apology. It's all right. I forgive you." He gives me the tiniest of smiles (more like a grimace if you ask me) and strides out the room before I can respond.

He said he forgives me, so why don't I feel reassured?

Because I know that everything is most definitely _not _all right.

Not between us, anyway.

* * *

I'm sitting by the fireside on Saturday morning, reading _Pride and Prejudice. _Mr. Darcy's just declared his affections for Elizabeth, though she has rejected him. Ugh. Why can't I have a romance like that? Refusing to fall in love, but finding it in someone who I said that I would never marry? Someone I hated, but then found having intense love for? Why can't I have _passion?_

Well….passion can happen in a few years. But still. Love. Why not me? Maybe I just have to accept the fact that I'll die an old maid with a thousand cats and owls. …Erm maybe that's not such a good idea. Not sure if the cats and owls would get along. Eh. I'll just stick to my initial plan of peacock breeding. Yes. Perfect.

"Lils?"

I look up and smile, seeing an extraordinarily exhausted looking Marlene standing over me. "Oh. Hey. You look tired, what have you been doing? It's only eleven in the morning!"

She gestures to her quidditch robes. Ah. Observant, Lily. Well done. "Stupid Quidditch trials." She rolls her eyes. "It was awful."

"Quidditch trials? _Now? _Blimey, James is barmy. Why was it awful?"

Marlene nods. "He was in a foul mood, don't know why though. He pretty much screamed at a bunch of Hufflepuffs who turned up. Can't really blame him though, I mean they only make life difficult."

I winced. Was James angry because…because of _me? _No, he couldn't be. We didn't even argue yesterday, we just left things on a slightly cold note. No. I shake the feeling off. It wasn't me, and even if it was, it's not my fault. I apologised, he's the one who won't let things go! I don't tell Marlene any of this though – I'd prefer if she didn't know that it was probably my fault that the Gryffindor Captain is so ill-tempered. Instead I just say, "Oh. Did you find anyone?"

Marls nods enthusiastically. "Oh yeah! We got some fifth year guy to be our seeker. Lynch, I think?"

I rack my brains. Lynch. "Ah! Aidan Lynch? Irish?"

Marlene nods again. "That's it! How d'you know?"

"His sister was a prefect before she left! She's an Auror now."

"Well of course you'd know. You know everything. Honestly."

I stick out my tongue. "Shush. Is he any good?"

"Brilliant. I don't know why he never tried out before! He's better than half the team, claims he plays in his back garden all the time, but never thought to try out for the team. Idiot, if you ask me. Anyone with that sort of talent would jump right in. Or at least I would, anyway. What are you reading?"

I hold up _Pride and Prejudice. _Marlene merely rolls her eyes. Seeing as she's Muggleborn, Marlene is one of my few friends who has actually heard of it. She's never read it, though. Such a disappointment.

"You always get sad after reading that, Lil. Just accept that you won't find a Mr Darcy and be done with it. You can die an old maid with me, if you want. Ally will probably marry some rich bloke and have a million mischievous kids. What a life."

I chuckle. It's true. "What a frightening prospect." Little Alisons running around everywhere _would _be a piece of work. "But," I give her a fake glare. "I told you, I'm going to be a peacock breeder if nothing else works for me."

"Of course. Sorry, I forgot. You have fun with your envisioning of your hundreds of peacocks then. I'm going to take a shower."

"I will. And good, you smell."

She sticks her tongue out and leaves me to read, surrounded by my fellow Gryffindors. I glance quickly around, trying to see if there's anyone I recognise. There's just Lucy, but she's talking to Benjy Fenwick. She looks happy, there's a small smile on her face. I wonder if….? Well, it's none of my business. However, Mr. Darcy's marriage proposal is. And considering no one's here to talk to me, I guess I'll just have to busy myself with that. Shame.

Sadly, I'm not alone for long.

"Ah, Evans. Just the red haired bird I've been looking for."

Merlin, can't a girl get any peace in this cruel, harsh world?

I turn to look at Sirius , who's decided to occupy the armchair next to me. "Yes?" I ask, in my best voice. Might as well try not to upset him, for once. But then I take a look at his expression and realise that there's no use. "I didn't do whatever you think I did, Sirius."

He puts on his blankest expression. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Evans, you and James need to suck it up, 'kay? Because I really _am _tired of going between you, trying to put out the many fires you two leave in your wake."

I glare at him. "Nobody asks you to interfere."

Sirius sighs. "I wish it was that simple. But you see, when you and James have an argument, James is usually left in a rubbish mood. And this morning, half the house had to deal with that mood. So I'd rather you two just sorted it out, but you seem incompetent to do it on your own. Therefore it is left to me to try and fix whatever goes wrong. So I'll ask you once. What happened?"

"Nothing!" I say.

He just raises his eyebrows, his expression sceptical.

"I'm serious, Sirius," I insist, pausing to smile at how it sounds.

"Firstly, I will not comment on that poor choice of words. Secondly, if nothing happened, James wouldn't be glaring at everyone who even dares to cross his path."

I quickly regain my composure. "Look, it's not my fault he has the temper of the devil, alright? I went to say sorry and he acted really cold towards me, there was nothing I could do! He keeps acting like I've done something wrong, but he won't tell me what it is. If I don't know, then how can I fix it? This time it's completely his fault, okay?"

Sirius sighs, shaking his head. "So it _is _your fault." He looks at my confused expression, and echos it with one of exasperation. "Isn't it obvious what's wrong?"

"Of course it isn't."

Sirius shakes his head, standing up. "Fine. Okay. There's nothing I can do. This really is between you and him."

"But he won't tell me anything! He just gets angry with me for no reason! Why?"

Sirius turns around to face me once more, and says, "He's trying to change, Lily. Can't you see that?"

* * *

**A/N: There it is! And as always, reviews are very much appreciated :)**


	6. Fights

**Okay, new chapter - hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Where were you yesterday?" Ally whispers as we slip into Potions, seconds before the bell rings.

"I was in the library."

"And why were you in the library on a Sunday?"

I shrug. "Loads of homework – I needed the quiet." And it's true. I didn't want people to ask me about James' grumpiness (Marlene) or to make me even angrier (James) or to just make me feel worse about myself (Sirius). I also had to mull over what Sirius said about James changing. Did he mean personality? Because I _had _noticed that. In fact, that was why James and I were, sometimes, getting along so well. If he was still the arrogant, immature boy he used to be then, well, let's just say the Head Students would have been a very bad combination this year. But I don't know why that made James so annoyed with me. I'd noticed it, and I was trying to get on with him. What more could the boy need?

It seems like a good enough excuse, because she just shrugs it off and goes over to join Remus at their cauldron. Funny, if they had wondered so much about my disappearance, then they could have easily just looked for me in the library. I do spend quite a lot of time there. Then again…I was holed up right at the back, far away from students who, amazingly, also decided to be in there. On a Sunday!

I join Severus, where he has already gotten out everything. Slughorn does his normal introduction, and just leaves us to get on with our projects.

"Right," I start. "How about today we take some notes on the appearance of the potion? I know we made it last time, but I think we should take some more notes?"

He nods. "Good idea. I'll go get the ingredients, you find the page number."

I turn to page 27 and look at the instructions. It's quite a complex potion to brew, but we've done it before. As soon as Severus comes back with the ingredients, I start chopping up some herbs, whilst he gets started on the poppies. After we have finished the brewing, I add the final touch – celandine flower petals. Hopefully the potion will go yellow as soon as these are added, and it does.

I look at the bright yellow colour of the potion, and Severus and I start taking notes, only exchanging small talk in between. My mind is focused somewhere else in the classroom – on James. He's working with Dirk on their potion, and it appears to be a red colour. They must have decided to brew the Death-Cap draught. Otherwise, theirs is going _seriously _wrong.

"Why are you looking at _him_?" Severus asks me.

I turn back to him and sigh. His mutual hatred of James and his friends does get slightly irritating at times.

"Does it matter?" I reply.

Severus lifts his shoulders in a blasé sort of way, but his expression is quite the opposite. "I thought you weren't friends with him?"

"What does it matter to you?" I ask coolly.

"Because he's an arrogant jerk who thinks he knows better than everyone! I thought you knew better than to mix with _that _lot."

"He's not a jerk. He's changed, a lot. He's a lot more mature now. Do you really think Dumbledore would have made him Head Boy if he wasn't?"

"He probably just did it so that he could keep the rest of his friends in line. Especially Black," Severus says sourly. "All he does is make trouble. They don't care about anybody but themselves Lily! All he'll do is hurt you!"

"Like you did?" The words slip out of my mouth before I can help it, but I don't regret them.

Severus flinches. "It was an accident," he whispers. "I said I'm sorry. Really."

"I know. But it's no longer your concern with whom I hang out with. Actually, it never was your concern. If I want to be friends with James, then you can't stop me." I conveniently fail to mention that James and I _aren't _friends; we're barely on speaking terms at the moment. But Severus doesn't need to know that; I'm just making a point.

"Oh, so he's _James _now? Since when?" He asks, acid dripping from his tone.

"Since we decided that we're not stupid and immature, and that we can actually call each other by our first names. Got a problem with that?" I snap.

He frowns, before shaking his head.

"Good." And we continue with our project.

It really isn't Severus' business, I was right. So why do I feel so guilty? We're not friends, I've accepted that fact for a long time. In fact, it was me who ended our friendship in the first place. I think back to the day it happened, in fifth year, the day where it all ended.

'_Ally, Marlene, Lucy and I are sitting by the lake, cooling our feet in the cold water. We have just finished our Defence Against The Dark Arts OWL and all the fifth years have escaped outside. It is boiling hot, the air almost stifling, but it's lovely to finally be rid of the classrooms._

"_So how did you find it?" Lucy asks. "Personally, that question on werewolves almost fooled me, but I just remembered the snout shape five minutes before the end! Thank heavens."_

"_I probably failed," Marlene mutters._

_I snort. "Yeah, right. Marl, you're fabulous at Defence, you know that!"_

"_Maybe…"_

"_But we've still got Transfiguration!" Lucy exclaims anxiously._

_Ally splashes her lightly with water, laughing. "Lucy, you're fine! Don't panic, you're great at Transfiguration. What's the worst that could happen?"_

_Lucy appears to be personally offended by that question and stares at Alison. "What's the worst that could happen? I.." she blanches, before shaking her head. "I'm going to get my notes, I need to revise." And she hurries off before the rest of us can stop her._

_Ally rolls her eyes. "Mental."_

"_She just wants to do well," Marlene says, sticking up for Lucy. "Just because we're all not perfect at –" she breaks off and stares, eyes wide, at something over my shoulder. _

"_Mar, what?" Ally asks._

_I look over my shoulder and anger immediately surges up in my chest. I jump up, already starting to make my way over to where the crowd of people are forming._

"_Lily, no!" Marlene grabs my arm. "Don't get involved!"_

_I shake her off angrily. "Why can't they just leave people alone? Stupid gits just like making people feel worse about themselves!"_

_I stride over to where Potter and Black are pointing their wands at Severus._

"_Scourgify!" I hear Potter say as he points his wand at Severus. Pink soap bubbles stream from his mouth, choking him._

_Why in Merlin's name can't they act mature for once in their lives?_

"_Leave him ALONE!" I shout, reaching them at last._

"_All right, Evans?" Potter asks._

"_Leave him alone," I repeat. I glare at him, and the feeling of utter loathing bubbles in my chest. "What's he done to you?"_

_Potter appears to deliberate this for a minute before replying. "Well, it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"_

_Many of the students surrounding us laugh. I glance at Remus, wondering why he hasn't put a stop to this, but he's intent on his book. Convenient._

"_You think you're funny," I tell him. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."_

"_I will if you go out with me, Evans," Potter says quickly. I bite back a snide laugh. Yeah, right. "Go on, go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."_

_Behind him, I see Snape inch towards his fallen wand, spitting out soap as he crawls._

_I turn back to Potter, glaring at him as coldly as I can. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." I know it's cruel, but it's true. I would never go out with someone as arrogant as Potter. Ever._

"_Bad luck, Prongs," says Black briskly. He turns back to Snape and yells, "OI!"_

_However, Severus has already sent a curse towards Potter, one that creates a large cut on the side of his face. It spatters his robes with blood. Potter whirls around, and a second later, Severus is hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head. They reveal his skinny legs and his greying underpants._

_Many people cheer, and Black, Potter and Wormtail guffaw._

_I try not to laugh, because it is a tiny bit funny. But I glare at them all the same, because I'm not giving Potter the satisfaction of me laughing. "Let him down!" I command. _

"_Certainly," says Potter, and flicks his wand, making Snape fall into a crumpled heap on the ground. As he gets up however, Black points his wand at him and shouts, "Petrificus Totalus!" Severus kneels over again, rigid as a plank of wood._

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shout again. Will they ever listen to me? Fine. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I whip out my wand._

"_Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter says._

_Pft. As if he could._

"_Take the curse off him, then!"_

_Potter sighs deeply, but mutters the counter curse none the less. "There you go," he says as Severus struggles to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus – "_

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

_I blink._

_Did I hear him correctly?_

_No. He didn't. He wouldn't! But everyone around me has gone silent, and I know I heard him correctly._

_My heart thumps in my chest. "Fine," I say coolly, trying not to show how hurt I feel. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."_

"_Apologise to Evans!" James roared, pointing his wand at Severus in a threatening manner._

"_I don't want you to make him apologise," I shout, turning round to glare at him and trying to ignore the tears that threaten to spill. "You're as bad as he is."_

"_What?" Potter yelps. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"_

_I scowl. "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off a broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."_

_I turn on my heel and hurry away from him, as fast as possible._

"_Evans!" He yells, running after me. "Hey, EVANS!"_

_I keep walking, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.'_

I shake my head. I need to focus on this project. But Severus was right about one thing – James _was_ arrogant then. But he isn't now. At least, not all the time. So that's fine, right? No, I tell myself firmly. I can't have him getting into my head like this. I can choose who I want to be friends with, and that's final.

The bell rings, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can finally escape these awkward questions.

"Lily," Sev says as I pack up my books. I ignore him. He's making everything harder than it needs to be – _we're not friends anymore. _"Lily, I was just hoping things might've changed after the holidays."

But I walk away, without a second glance.

* * *

I enter the dorm later in the evening, just planning on dropping off my bag before heading over to the library for a book. But when I enter, I realise that there's no chance that I'll be leaving here tonight.

The dorm is full, but it's not cosy. There is a cold atmosphere in the room, and the way everyone stands just accentuates this.

Lydia and Eileen are standing up near the doorway, haughty expressions on their faces. Ally and Marlene are sitting on the floor, looking extremely angry. I wouldn't cross either of them with that expression on their faces. And in between them is Lucy, with tears running down her face.

"Lucy!" I rush towards her. "What's going on?"

Lucy sniffs and rubs her eyes, looking down. "S'nothing Lily. Don't worry."

"It's definitely something!" I turn to look at Lydia and Eileen. They definitely look smug. "What have you said?"

"Nothing," says Lydia. "We were just questioning Lucy about her little crush she has. Nothing's wrong with that, is it?"

"Well if you're making her this upset, then there's definitely something wrong with that!"

Eileen laughs coldly, tossing her ash blonde hair. "She's just getting worked up about nothing."

I glare at them, before turning back and crouching down in front of Lucy, Marlene and Ally. I turn to Marlene. "What were they saying?"

"They were making fun of her, just because she was in a good mood when she came in. They were asking her about a crush she apparently has, though," she raises her voice, looking straight at Lydia. "It's none of their business!"

"Oh come on!" Lydia says, shrilly. "We were just curious who ickle Lucy likes!"

"At least when she likes someone she just has to talk to them! Lucy can get guys to like her because of her personality, not because her skirt barely even covers her bottom!" Ally snarls.

Lydia's eyes flash. "You're just jealous because you haven't had any action from Albert the bore! Is he getting bored of you?" She sneers. "No, actually. You're both equal. Average on the outside, but completely _dead _on the inside."

She cackles, and Ally grabs her wand from her robes.

"No!" I shout, grabbing her arm.

Ally turns to me, her eyes blazing. "Didn't you hear what that _hag _said?"

"Yes I did," I say, in my most soothing voice. "But you can't let her get to you, you know she's just jealous."

"She's a slut," Marlene adds. "No wonder no one wants to date her."

I nod. "You can't stoop to her level, Ally. If you hex her then you'll be in the wrong, not her. Leave it as Lydia being the cruel one okay?"

Ally sighs, nodding. "Fine. But I'm changing her shampoo to be extra volumising!" She whispers.

I smile, before looking to Lucy, who has shrunk back into the corner. "Lucy? You okay?"

She nods, forcing a smile onto her face. "I think so." She looks at all three of us in turn. "Thank you for defending me. She just came out of nowhere, and I just cracked."

"Pretty soft one, aren't you?" Lydia smirks. "Perhaps you shouldn't be in Gryffindor. You'd be more suited to Hufflepuff."

Eileen looks at her best friend warningly. It makes me feel better that at least she has the good sense to see that Lydia is moving into harsh territory. I glower at Lydia. "You should leave," I tell her. "You've done enough damage."

Lydia shrugs, stalking out the room. "Whatever. Come on, Eileen."

Eileen moves to follow, but glances back at me. At least she looks sorry. "Lily, I really didn't mean for it to get this far. It was just a joke and-"

"A joke that you both took too far," I say harshly. "Go."

She sighs sadly and leaves. I put my head in my hands. I really did just want a quiet evening.

Ally looks at me, concerned. "Lils?" She asks concerned.

I look up. "Yeah?"

"We'll stay up here, I have to show Lucy my new edition of 'Witch Weekly'. You go down, give Mr Darcy and Elizabeth some love."

I look at her, grateful for what she's doing. "Are you sure?"

Marlene rolls her eyes. "It's Ally, Lil. Of course she's sure. Go."

I grin, grabbing my book and making my way down to the common room. I know I _should _be going to the library, but it's quite late, and there isn't really any point in going now, right?

At least, that's what I tell myself as I settle down in the corner of the common room, ignoring the sounds of gobstones, exploding snap, and, especially, Lydia and Eileen.

"Lily?" NO! Why can't I read in peace? Does the world have something against me reading about Elizabeth and Darcy? Is there something wrong with it?

Then I recognise the voice. I look up, surprised at who it is.

"Finally talking to me, are you?" I ask, trying to hold back the bitterness in my tone.

James sighs, running his hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry. I was just trying to process it all and I guess I was hurt that you just assumed that I hadn't changed one bit. But it's not your fault, and I get that. It's my fault that you don't believe me," he smiles softly. "I haven't exactly given you reason to before."

I nod, trying not to let myself hope. "So you're saying…?"

He smiles fully this time. "I was an arse for storming off the other day, and I completely forgive you." He frowns a little, and I sigh inwardly. What is it now? "As long as you can forgive me for being annoyed with you for no reason?"

I grin. "Forgiven. Finally!" I fail to mention that Sirius told me why he was annoyed with me, and that I know that it wasn't for no reason.

"So we're good?" James asks nervously.

How much reassurance does the boy need?

I smile and nod. "Yes James, we're good."

"Good." He says.

Uhm…yes. You've said that dear, quite a lot.

"What are you reading?" He asks.

I hold up my book. "Pride and Prejudice."

He frowns slightly. "Er…Pride and _what?_"

I laugh. "Prejudice. It's like judging before you know the full story." I blush faintly. "Sound like someone you know?"

He opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by a shout.

"Oi, Prongs! Quit your nattering and get over here!"

James rolls his eyes, and yells over his shoulder, "In a minute, Padfoot!"

"I've never heard of it," He says, gesturing to my book.

I grin. "That's because it's a Muggle book. But it's a classic, you really should read it."

He eyes the cover doubtfully. "Looks a bit old to me."

I roll my eyes. Of course. "Doesn't mean it's not good, though."

"_Prongs!_"

I snort. "You'd better go before he comes over here and physically drags you away."

James chuckles. "True, there is a huge probability that he may do that. But," he says, smirking. "You'll have to tell me all about that book, 'kay?"

I grin and nod. "Dutifully noted. And I'll hold you to that!"

He laughs, backing away. "Wouldn't expect anything less."


End file.
